In 1998, I experienced an unusually interesting Christmas holiday season. To start with I had a cochlear implant on December 22, 1998 at Montefiore Hospital. After dressing in the skimpy hospital gowns (at least here they dress you in two identical gowns, but you put them on back-to-back), and getting routine tests and instructions, I am taken to the 5th floor for the preoperative preparations. Aside from more routine testing, the main thing is an interview with the anesthetist who questions you regarding your experience with anesthesia, etc.

The surprising thing here is that I was questioned, not by one anesthetist, but by three anesthetists, and separately. They asked pretty much the same questions. I don't know whether they thought I would lie to them, or was confused, and they wanted to compare responses and then do a poll. But I began to realize that this must be an important part of the procedure. They all want to know what you are allergic to and my response is to tell them that I am highly allergic to work. I didn't get much of a laugh over that, so they must hear that all the time, and have to force a laugh so the patient is not disappointed.

Then I was wheeled into the operation room, and transferred to the operation table. This is where I have the most fun, because I want anyone working on me to be in a good mood, free from stress. I made them promise that they would use the surgical procedures followed on the TV program ER with a couple of exceptions: they were not to play loud music during the surgery, they were not to be dancing during the surgery, and they were not to discuss their personal problems during the surgery. They all agreed to that. Then I stressed the fact that I was to have a cochiear implant, and there would be no leg amputation involved, and no kidneys removed. They agreed to that. Then Dr. Hirsch came in and congratulated me for being there, and I wasn't sure why I was to be congratulated, in that I had not done that much yet.

Previously I had told him that my nose always stuffed up when I lay down, and was concerned that I might have trouble breathing during the surgery. He said they would intubate me so that would not be a problem. I kind of liked that suggestion, and having seen this happen on ER all the time, I was anxious to try it. I guess they had heard enough from me, because they gave me a shot of anesthesia, and I fell asleep, in spite of having a few other things that I wished to instruct them on. My next door neighbor works for Medrad, a company that makes medical equipment. I was not able to observe any of the operating room equipment with that nameplate and had wanted to lecture them on choosing the correct supplier. It's too bad they put me to sleep and missed that lecture.

I woke up later in the recovery room and actually felt great, because my nose was not stuffed up. By sending the oxygen and air into your lungs through a tube, bypassing the nasal passages, they don't swell up and close. They had a machine connected to my arm, which automatically indicated my blood pressure and took sample measurements periodically. I have always had ideal blood pressure readings, so was surprised when the nurse said they were high. I asked her how long it would be till I could leave and she said when the blood pressure comes down, they would consider it. She explained that the high blood pressure was probably an indication of pain, and that I could not feel it because I had so much anesthesia in me.

Then since it had been 22 hours since I had eaten, I requested a meal of bacon, eggs, toast, coffee, and ice cream with chocolate sauce for dessert. The nurse said that I should not eat much when I get home, because the anesthesia slows up the digestive process, and might result in my getting sick at the stomach. In my humble opinion, that is just an excuse they use so they don't have to feed you. They did provide some apple juice.

I was glad when Dr. Hirsch came in and said that everything went well. It's nice to know that it was a day well spent. After the blood pressure came down, the nurse said I could go home, and we lived happily ever after.